Men are problem solvers.\u00a0 We like to fix things, we like to make things efficient, and most of all, we like that proud feeling we get from showering our loved ones with our great skills.<\/p>\n
In many situations, this is wonderful.\u00a0 When it comes to keeping the cars running, organizing the garage, or doing the taxes (if these are in the man’s domain of your home), this might actually be a blessing to your wife.<\/p>\n
But the moment you step into your wife’s domain, you are stepping on shaky ground.\u00a0 Husbands need to be aware that most women’s view of her person is fundamentally different from that of a man.\u00a0 For a woman, her home, how she organizes it, and how she takes care of it, is an extension of herself.\u00a0 It is part of her person.<\/p>\n
If we step in and help find a more efficient way to organize the dishwasher, we are actually telling her that she is inadequate.\u00a0 If we step and clean the counters better than she does, we are rejecting her as a person.<\/p>\n
These particular examples may not apply to you, but most men, in one form or another, are guilty of doing these things.<\/p>\n
One of the problems that every couple has when they head into marriage is that they both have pre-conceived notions of how a home should be run, generally, grounded in how their home was run when they were growing up.\u00a0 If your mom scrubbed every pot until it glistened, then you think this is just how every kitchen should be.\u00a0 If your wife grew up in a busy home, where the dishes were left until the weekend, then that may be her view of how a home should be run.<\/p>\n
Even in today’s modern culture, there is a deep core in most women that wants the home to be run how they want it to be run.\u00a0 It is who they are, and men who want a good marriage need to recognize and understand this.<\/p>\n
This isn’t to say, that a women needs to be doing all the work, if you care and support your wife, you will be jumping in and working whenever works need to be done.\u00a0 But the wise thing to do, is to do the work her way.<\/p>\n
If she scrubs the pots until they shine, then when you do the dishes, scrub the pots until they shine.\u00a0 If she always rinses the sponge and puts it on the left side of the sink when she is done, then a wise husband will do this also.<\/p>\n
So what do you do if your wife isn’t running the home to your expectations?\u00a0 In the old movie Meatballs<\/em>, Bill Murray gives a great motivational speech in which he has his entire camp chanting “It Just Doesn’t Matter!, It Just Doesn’t Matter!”<\/p>\n When we step in and start doing our wife’s job for her because we don’t think she is doing it well enough, we are sending a clear message of rejection.\u00a0 Over time, this will turn into distance and coldness, and we will find ourselves frustrated, miserable, and wondering why the spark isn’t in the relationship like it was before.\u00a0 How many men would be willing to trade a poorly organized dishwasher to get that spark back in the relationship?\u00a0 Every one of us.\u00a0 It just doesn’t matter.<\/p>\n